Lesson on NEW PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT
When my boss directed me to come up with a product that must eventually make it as the best selling insurance product of all times, I was bewildered…. by the way he sarcastically thought so highly about me! Is there such an insurance product? Where am I to find or rather discover there is such a product? Peoples nowadays don’t give much thoughts on insurance except when they need to renew their car insurance, going to died, hit by a fatal disease or their property just go burnt down! Wait! My boss told me this is my KPI! Ummmmm…. KPI… must be some form of threat, perhaps Idris Jala came to mind nowadays but how can this short fat Iban guy able to inspire me to that level? I mean inventing the best ever selling insurance product.
The 4Ps of New Product Development (NPD)
There I was… right in the middle of Chinese New Year thinking that DIVORCE INSURANCE product should be that poser. It turned out to be stupid and messy getting the product ready for the market place… No! this can’t work! This product is nothing but of high loss ratio especially so when everyone is busy getting divorce nowadays! I need something better than this. Do you think I can rely on those 4Ps that I used to study during my MBA days? P=Product, P=Positioning, P=Pricing and P=Promotions…..
Then two months ago, a friend whom I knew for many years while stationed in Sabah (Land below the wind…. with alot of Kadazan girls – those SYT!) came down for a business trip. He bragged about his SEX life and how he can have an orgy now and then in his hotel! “Girls in Kuala Lumpur are aplenty!” and money surely can buy the fun or the hell out of them! Back in Sabah, it is a WOW and a POW-WOW! Sabahan chicks are “Sic Koh San…. Mo thak thing!” But he told me the only hindrance is the place of action is too close to his wife, girlfriends and relatives!
The PRODUCT WEB
It just stucked me, “SEX SELLS“…… If sex sells, surely insuring sex sells too. Anything that’s to sex must surely sells and you don’t need any Phd to figure this out…. “SEX sells!” Sex sells…. Sex sells… hemmmm, Why not think about SEX INSURANCE! Those “Kua Chi” girls from China were doing very well selling “kua chi” to those men in their 50s… I am sure that is about sex appeal working.
So what exactly does this SEX Insurance covers? Frankly speaking as at today I am still thinking and figuring out how and what am I going to assemble. Since this is a lesson on New Product Development, I supposed no harm in taking an educational tour of how product is to be develop…..
Just about earlier this month, I remembered having written an article about Daphne Iking and her husband’s section 498 – suing another man for enticing her for bedtime! Now here I have the first coverage point – insurance that provide her husband legal fee to take someone to court, which may be Daphne herself and Darren Choy, the man with a golden charm…. must be otherwise she can never last another minute in his condo!
Now to the next coverage point… Ahha! Google, yes Googling is the best way to move forward. Alas! nothing much that I can find except very much on pornographic materials, HIV/AIDs, rape cases, gigolo & prostitute, gay, lesbians and sexual related problems. Perhaps I just bring them all together into a basket and see what I can discover…
|Coverage tip 1||Having a round of solid damn good sex is very important!|
|Coverage tip 2 – looks like All Risks cover providing medi-expenses for seeking cure – but remember payment ONE TIME only hoh! Sex after diseases should be excluded…||Sex doctor or therapist is a must have in event of many
|Coverage tip 3 – Medical expenses for treatment of diseases||Contracting and dealing with Sexual transmitted disease, HIV/AIDS|
|Coverage tip 4||Unwanted pregnancy – It is okay… just money for abortion!|
|Extension cover 1||Failure to conceive|
|Coverage tip 5 – You discover after marriage that your spouse is gay / lesbian – We will pay for the divorce expenses||Same sex couple – Means gay or lesbian… no issue except for complication. My underwriters may not understand the risks behind! Never tasted this path… imagine being screwed through the ass!|
|Coverage tip 6 – Religion can be an issue but we will pay for such occurrences – expenses for divorce||Polygamy – Your husband decided to “Kahwin lagi!” which means marry again!|
|Coverage tip 7 – the insurance pays to get a prostitute / gigolo to provide the booster?||Have not made love at least for the past 6 months? Because you cannot find a sexual partner and you do not want to have sex with a stranger!|
|Coverage tip 8 – we will provide you with the necessary panel of legal advisers and the costs to formalise a divorce||How can get a divorce and where to find the necessary advices in circumstances if you or your partner can no longer live together because of this sex cheats element in between?|
|Coverage tip 9 – We will pay you necessary medi-expenses and to provide you with money to pursue a civil action against the other parties….||Sexual abuse, rape|
|Extension cover 2 – Option to insure the children||You love ones were raped and sexual abuse – especially children|
I must say, googling for “SEX Insurance” related topics is indeed very stressful, zapped your energy…. you get stiff up and go to bed…. all stress up! Anyway I ended up with images of sex toys and ….. gutteruncensored.com This is a terrible site but I am sure can continue to do more review!
Wonder why I called Product web? Web simply refer an insurance product to the front underwriting and the back-end’s claim filtering. Then as we test market this product, we can continue to work out the inter-changing relationship between the front-end robustness and the back end embarassment. Why embarassment? When you file a claim, we will examine you thoroughly for an answer (of course sometimes we need to examine you below the belt like your doctor to provide you the necessary help!) before we are generous enough to settlement your claims. We also have a panel of lawyers or lay-men lawyer buruk or self-help gurus to deal with your family problems, like when you want to opt for a divorce! We will get you there….
We will not pay for mini-mouse claims like medi-expenses incurred less than RM500. We will not settle your legal fee for purpose of pursuing a section 498 (Penal Code) civil suit against someone enticing your wife until the amount exceeds RM2,500. So we are not paying Ryan just as yet! If your spouse did ended upwith necessary “mens reas” and followed up with sex, we promised to pay you for legal fee to pursue the enticement part (if done on a civil litigation basis) but NOT to pursue any damages from the party who slept with your spouse! COmmon! He or she is already damaged – get it over with – opt for a divorce and we shall pay….. of course not until our panel of lawyers having grilled you and your spouse thoroughly.
Conclusion for the P that stands for Product Web
Now that we have come to the end of this first “P”, and as you have seen it is not too difficult to actually come up with some wonderful product such as this – You may be complaining that those illustrations were littered here and there all over the place but then it is for you to arrange the information I gave you, not for me to spoon feed you! If you are also thinking that the loss ratio will be high, I tell you, it is not going to be higher than those Burglary, FG and Money related claims! People are just embarrass to claim unless the seriousness of it all had gone up the ceiling. On the buying of this product, this can be sold as any health or PA package for the family. If your spouse is very pretty or handsome, there is more reasons for you to buy, at least you have the fire power to take them and their lover to court – and what’s better, divorce risks and expenses are also covered as part of it… You cannot make money from divorce insurance but you certainly can if it is sold as SEX INSURANCE……. “Dont’ leave your spouse HOME alone with it! The Product of the century!
Okay! I must admit I got carried away! But this is the first part or the first P, I still have 3 more Ps to go and having 3 more months to work out those additional Ps.
You like this article? You want to follow my other Ps? Then feed your email into the feedburner or hit the contact me button and register for updates!