SEX INSURANCE…. Don’t leave your spouse alone without one!

Lesson on NEW PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT

3 or 4 Ps? How the heck these mat salleh pee?

3 or 4 Ps? How the heck these mat salleh pee?

When my boss directed me to come up with a product that must eventually make it as the best selling insurance product of all times, I was bewildered…. by the way he sarcastically thought so highly about me! Is there such an insurance product? Where am I to find or rather discover there is such a product? Peoples nowadays don’t give much thoughts on insurance except when they need to renew their car insurance, going to died, hit by a fatal disease or their property just go burnt down! Wait! My boss told me this is my KPI! Ummmmm…. KPI… must be some form of threat, perhaps Idris Jala came to mind nowadays but how can this short fat Iban guy able to inspire me to that level? I mean inventing the best ever selling insurance product.

The 4Ps of New Product Development (NPD)

There I was… right in the middle of Chinese New Year thinking that DIVORCE INSURANCE product should be that poser. It turned out to be stupid and messy getting the product ready for the market place… No! this can’t work! This product is nothing but of high loss ratio especially so when everyone is busy getting divorce nowadays! I need something better than this. Do you think I can rely on those 4Ps that I used to study during my MBA days? P=Product, P=Positioning, P=Pricing and P=Promotions…..

Then two months ago, a friend whom I knew for many years while stationed in Sabah (Land below the wind…. with alot of Kadazan girls – those SYT!) came down for a business trip. He bragged about his SEX life and how he can have an orgy now and then in his hotel! “Girls in Kuala Lumpur are aplenty!” and money surely can buy the fun or the hell out of them! Back in Sabah, it is a WOW and a POW-WOW! Sabahan chicks are “Sic Koh San…. Mo thak thing!” But he told me the only hindrance is the place of action is too close to his wife, girlfriends and relatives!

The PRODUCT WEB

It just stucked me, SEX SELLS…… If sex sells, surely insuring sex sells too. Anything that’s to sex must surely sells and you don’t need any Phd to figure this out…. “SEX sells!” Sex sells…. Sex sells… hemmmm, Why not think about SEX INSURANCE! Those “Kua Chi” girls from China were doing very well selling “kua chi” to those men in their 50s… I am sure that is about sex appeal working.

So what exactly does this SEX Insurance covers? Frankly speaking as at today I am still thinking and figuring out how and what am I going to assemble. Since this is a lesson on New Product Development, I supposed no harm in taking an educational tour of how product is to be develop…..

Just about earlier this month, I remembered having written an article about and her husband’s section 498 – suing another man for enticing her for bedtime! Now here I have the first coverage point – insurance that provide her husband legal fee to take someone to court, which may be Daphne herself and Darren Choy, the man with a golden charm…. must be otherwise she can never last another minute in his condo!

Now to the next coverage point… Ahha! Google, yes Googling is the best way to move forward. Alas! nothing much that I can find except very much on pornographic materials, HIV/AIDs, rape cases, gigolo & prostitute, gay, lesbians and sexual related problems. Perhaps I just bring them all together into a basket and see what I can discover…

SEX INSURANCE – piecing up the pieces
Coverage tip 1 Having a round of solid damn good sex is very important!
Coverage tip 2 – looks like All Risks cover providing medi-expenses for seeking cure – but remember payment ONE TIME only hoh! Sex after diseases should be excluded… Sex doctor or therapist is a must have in event of many 


  • Delayed ejaculation (Retarded ejaculation)
  • Erectile dysfunction (Impotence)
  • Erectile dysfunction – discussing it with a doctor
  • Erectile dysfunction – discussing it with your partner
  • Lack of sex drive
  • Painful intercourse
  • Penile prosthetics
  • Penis size
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Sex after abdominal diseases
  • Sex after having a baby
  • Sex and alcoholism
  • Sex and cancer
  • Sex and diabetes
  • Sex and heart disease
  • Sex and neurological disorders
  • Vagina size – too big or too small?
Coverage tip 3 – Medical expenses for treatment of diseases Contracting and dealing with Sexual transmitted disease, HIV/AIDS
Coverage tip 4 Unwanted pregnancy – It is okay… just money for abortion!
Extension cover 1 Failure to conceive
Coverage tip 5 – You discover after marriage that your spouse is gay / lesbian – We will pay for the divorce expenses Same sex couple – Means gay or lesbian… no issue except for complication. My underwriters may not understand the risks behind! Never tasted this path… imagine being screwed through the ass!
Coverage tip 6 – Religion can be an issue but we will pay for such occurrences – expenses for divorce Polygamy – Your husband decided to “Kahwin lagi!” which means marry again!
Coverage tip 7 – the insurance pays to get a prostitute / gigolo to provide the booster? Have not made love at least for the past 6 months? Because you cannot find a sexual partner and you do not want to have sex with a stranger!
Coverage tip 8 – we will provide you with the necessary panel of legal advisers and the costs to formalise a divorce How can get a divorce and where to find the necessary advices in circumstances if you or your partner can no longer live together because of this sex cheats element in between?
Coverage tip 9 – We will pay you necessary medi-expenses and to provide you with money to pursue a civil action against the other parties…. Sexual abuse, rape
Extension cover 2 – Option to insure the children You love ones were raped and sexual abuse – especially children
What does these items look like?

What does these items look like?

I must say, googling for “SEX Insurance” related topics is indeed very stressful, zapped your energy…. you get stiff up and go to bed…. all stress up! Anyway I ended up with images of sex toys and ….. gutteruncensored.com This is a terrible site but I am sure can continue to do more review!

Wonder why I called Product web? Web simply refer an insurance product to the front underwriting and the back-end’s claim filtering. Then as we test market this product, we can continue to work out the inter-changing relationship between the front-end robustness and the back end embarassment. Why embarassment? When you file a claim, we will examine you thoroughly for an answer (of course sometimes we need to examine you below the belt like your doctor to provide you the necessary help!) before we are generous enough to settlement your claims. We also have a panel of lawyers or lay-men lawyer buruk or self-help gurus to deal with your family problems, like when you want to opt for a divorce! We will get you there….

Exclusions

We will not pay for mini-mouse claims like medi-expenses incurred less than RM500. We will not settle your legal fee for purpose of pursuing a section 498 (Penal Code) civil suit against someone enticing your wife until the amount exceeds RM2,500. So we are not paying Ryan just as yet! If your spouse did ended upwith necessary “mens reas” and followed up with sex, we promised to pay you for legal fee to pursue the enticement part (if done on a civil litigation basis) but NOT to pursue any damages from the party who slept with your spouse! COmmon! He or she is already damaged – get it over with – opt for a divorce and we shall pay….. of course not until our panel of lawyers having grilled you and your spouse thoroughly.

Conclusion for the P that stands for Product Web

Buy Sex Insurance.... because your man is consistently wearing such an udnerwear!

Buy Sex Insurance.... because your man is consistently wearing such an udnerwear!

Now that we have come to the end of this first “P”, and as you have seen it is not too difficult to actually come up with some wonderful product such as this – You may be complaining that those illustrations were littered here and there all over the place but then it is for you to arrange the information I gave you, not for me to spoon feed you! If you are also thinking that the loss ratio will be high, I tell you, it is not going to be higher than those Burglary, FG and Money related claims! People are just embarrass to claim unless the seriousness of it all had gone up the ceiling. On the buying of this product, this can be sold as any health or PA package for the family. If your spouse is very pretty or handsome, there is more reasons for you to buy, at least you have the fire power to take them and their lover to court – and what’s better, divorce risks and expenses are also covered as part of it… You cannot make money from divorce insurance but you certainly can if it is sold as SEX INSURANCE……. “Dont’ leave your spouse HOME alone with it! The Product of the century!

Okay! I must admit I got carried away! But this is the first part or the first P, I still have 3 more Ps to go and having 3 more months to work out those additional Ps.

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Visit our Sex Insurance Adviser today!

Visit our Sex Insurance Adviser today!

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16 comments for “SEX INSURANCE…. Don’t leave your spouse alone without one!

  1. dumblasted
    October 25, 2010 at 00:01

    Since the word “Sex” is too crass, try “Conjugal Obligation Insurance”. O btw, who’s the short fat Iban fella who inspired u? Surely not Bung?!

    • kiddy
      December 7, 2010 at 08:13

      Conjugal Obligation Insurance? Wat’s dat?

  2. June 4, 2010 at 08:29

    Con’t wait for the next lesson!

  3. Chan Ho Tack
    June 3, 2010 at 12:05

    Bro!!! really amazed with your creativity to develope “Sex Insurance” as new product… I believe it will be on demand in the market… Maybe can add more protection as rider such as “whole life” or “saving plan”… Any development on this till todate??

    • June 3, 2010 at 23:25

      No development to date until we think of a better name…. boss said, “Sex” is too vulgar to launch as an insurance product…. but it is Malaysian pastime, remember the teacher who got the teaching award recently? HE told Malaysian that he acquired the energy that took him through the day with such vigour…. was because he have sex everyday…… 365 days in a year for the past 20 over years! Perhaps you should try this formula out! Yeah…. do write your thoughts, so that we can complete the product before the end of the year

      • Chan Ho Tack
        June 4, 2010 at 17:25

        Name of “Sex” is quite vulgar to the laymen on the streets especially to majority of Malaysians… But it should not be an issue if a company really want to launch this product…. We can change it to maybe “Spouse Protection” or ” Loving Marriage Protection”… Let me do some study before we could share further… keep in touch!!:)

  4. Anonymous
    May 26, 2010 at 08:48

    Ya! extension cover 1 on NOT able to conceive, my colleague wouldluv it!

  5. December 23, 2009 at 07:56

    Very good site!
    Is it ok to post a link to this site from mine? My blog is wp.assurancenetwork.net.

    Thanks.
    Jaime

  6. December 20, 2009 at 22:22

    Very good site!
    Is it ok to post a link to this site from mine? My blog is wp.assurancenetwork.net.

    Thanks.
    Jaime

    • December 21, 2009 at 22:48

      It is okay but how do you want me to link…. Let me know, I will do it – No issue!

  7. Donboh
    October 6, 2009 at 23:15

    Your gutteruncensored is now all blanked out! If you look into the facebook set up for this favourite site(s), many are waiting for it to resurface! Anyway good continue writing.

  8. October 2, 2009 at 01:16

    http://gutteruncensored.com is already blocked….

    • Anonymous
      March 26, 2010 at 08:44

      Bro, okie now!

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